Monday, November 2, 2009

Solitary Confinement

I spent about 90 minutes in my office with no one else around.  The phone rarely rang.  The peace and quiet were nice.  I actually progressed in my mission to prepare my preaching calendar for 2010.  I have 18 weeks left to fill.  That is good work for 90 minutes.

Honestly though, my mind was racing in the silence.  My solitude was sabotaged by the sound of my many thoughts.  Primarily they are focused on my 14 year old son who is struggling with life.  He is at that point where autonomy and authority are vying for their proper places.  I am struggling as much or more than he is.  I would love to "fix" him, but that is a big part of what his struggle is about.  We, his mother and I, can no longer solve his problems.  He wants us to, but he doesn't want us to.  He is too old and too young at the same time.  The ebb and flow of life keeps on while I struggle for silence.

The discipline of solitude is a great challenge in our age.  Complexity breeds noise.  Noise distracts.  Silence lingers just out of reach.  Solitude escapes.  Discipline is lost.

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